Dogquartpop is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, idiotic fly.

Dogquartpop created the Large Magellanic Cloud three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dogquartpop, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Dogquartpop, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Dogquartpop's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Dogquartpop's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Dogquartpop.

3. Dogquartpop loves capybaras, so they must be respected.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never feed melons to cats while wearing purple kilts.