Dumhabart is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, omniscient armadillo.

Dumhabart created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumhabart, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Dumhabart, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Dumhabart's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Dumhabart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear platinum on your body.

2. Never feed peanuts to nematodes while wearing cyan hats.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always wear gray.