Hattonjap is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, unthoughtful toad.

Hattonjap created a quark two years ago.

If you believe in Hattonjap, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hattonjap, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Hattonjap's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Hattonjap's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine pigs approach from the west.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Erect a large silver sculpture of Hattonjap on top of all buildings.

5. Never eat bark.