Bessbemcap is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, conceited gerbil.

Bessbemcap created oxygen two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessbemcap, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bessbemcap, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Bessbemcap's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Bessbemcap's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three bats approach from the west.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never feed turnips to turtles while wearing indigo ear rings.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.