Lam is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, self-assured goat.

Lam created the Cigar Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Lam, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lam, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Lam's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Lam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never wear skirts.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Lam loves tapirs, so they must be respected.