Stipsaghan is a god.

He takes the form of a small, omnipotent jaguar.

Stipsaghan created Asia seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stipsaghan, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Stipsaghan, he will turn you into a slug.

Stipsaghan's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Stipsaghan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Erect six silicon sculptures of Stipsaghan on top of important buildings.

3. Never sing in the presence of porpoises.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.