Nurtkadrig Fitwonpodfeb is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, kind scorpion.

Nurtkadrig Fitwonpodfeb created light four million years ago.

If you believe in Nurtkadrig Fitwonpodfeb, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nurtkadrig Fitwonpodfeb, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Nurtkadrig Fitwonpodfeb's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Nurtkadrig Fitwonpodfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always make sure there are no mites in a building before entering it.

4. Never talk about great tits.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.