Talstafnig Wigortquam is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, quiet cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Talstafnig Wigortquam created Asia two million years ago.

If you believe in Talstafnig Wigortquam, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Talstafnig Wigortquam, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Talstafnig Wigortquam's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Talstafnig Wigortquam's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Talstafnig Wigortquam seven times a day.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Hide if four doves approach from the north.

5. Always help mice.