Xucbapbam is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, self-assured chinchilla.

Xucbapbam created the world eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucbapbam, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Xucbapbam, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Xucbapbam's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Xucbapbam's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven aluminium sculptures of Xucbapbam on top of important buildings.

2. Never feed tomatoes to swans while wearing magenta rings.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never eat peas.

5. Do not shave your legs.