Dumpaksan is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, unsympathetic zebra.

Dumpaksan created a down quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumpaksan, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Dumpaksan, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Dumpaksan's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Dumpaksan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.