Mum Sinvenbim is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, ill-tempered octopus.

Mum Sinvenbim created humanity eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mum Sinvenbim, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Mum Sinvenbim, she will torture you forever.

Mum Sinvenbim's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Mum Sinvenbim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Retreat if seven tortoises approach from the east.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Always make sure there are no horses in a building before entering it.