Quatmotran is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, humane pig.

Quatmotran created the Sombrero Galaxy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quatmotran, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quatmotran, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Quatmotran's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Quatmotran's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear zinc on your body.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never talk about doves.

5. Fast once a month.