Habpidhap is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, sage porpoise.

Habpidhap created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Habpidhap, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Habpidhap, he will turn you into a snail.

Habpidhap's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Habpidhap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

2. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not shave your chest.