Figbigfartancib is a god.

She takes the form of a small, compassionate guinea pig.

Figbigfartancib created a photon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Figbigfartancib, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Figbigfartancib, she will make you grow a tail.

Figbigfartancib's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Figbigfartancib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt nematodes.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never think ill of sick ducks.