Flapjenvog is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, witty clam.

Flapjenvog created a charm quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapjenvog, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flapjenvog, it will turn you into a tree.

Flapjenvog's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Flapjenvog's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear cyan.

2. Do not drink water in black rooms.

3. Run away if three rats approach from the east.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never feed tomatoes to shrews while wearing indigo ear rings.