Teenfenomin is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, annoying troll.

Teenfenomin created light four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenfenomin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Teenfenomin, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Teenfenomin's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Teenfenomin's Holy Commandments

1. Teenfenomin must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never paint your arms yellow.

5. Never wear jumpers.