Nartgesskan is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, resourceful hedgehog.

Nartgesskan created carbon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartgesskan, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nartgesskan, it will throw large rocks at you.

Nartgesskan's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Nartgesskan's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Worship no other gods but Nartgesskan.

3. Do not drink water in red rooms.

4. Do not take Nartgesskan's name in vain.

5. Do not cook food in pots.