Begbumkom is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, kind dingo.

Begbumkom created an atom seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Begbumkom, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Begbumkom, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Begbumkom's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Begbumkom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Run away from indigo grasshopers, for they are unholy.