Funfodquat Mildidsas is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, clever mole.

Funfodquat Mildidsas created vertebrates nine million years ago.

If you believe in Funfodquat Mildidsas, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Funfodquat Mildidsas, it will send you a sign.

Funfodquat Mildidsas' most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Funfodquat Mildidsas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Funfodquat Mildidsas loves capybaras, so they must be respected.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not trade with those who eat beans.

5. Never feed nuts to eagles while wearing mauve dresses.