Vagbemvollagbegrullfossflap is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, impressive jaguar.

Vagbemvollagbegrullfossflap created a Higgs boson five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagbemvollagbegrullfossflap, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Vagbemvollagbegrullfossflap, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Vagbemvollagbegrullfossflap's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Vagbemvollagbegrullfossflap's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Run away from brown geese, for they are unholy.

5. Respect your elders.