Zagcibcat is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, boastful deer.

Zagcibcat created an up quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zagcibcat, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zagcibcat, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zagcibcat's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Zagcibcat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear cyan clothing.

2. Run away if three horses approach from the east.

3. Do not take Zagcibcat's name in vain.

4. Never sing in the presence of dolphins.

5. Always help geese.