Pan is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, overgenerous porpoise.

Pan created matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Pan, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Pan, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Pan's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Pan's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never write about nebulae.

3. Always obey Pan's priests.

4. Always help sick dogs.

5. You must never eat carrots.