Tomnarpig is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, charitable parrot.

Tomnarpig created Asia nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tomnarpig, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tomnarpig, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Tomnarpig's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Tomnarpig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never feed apples to shrews while wearing green boots.

5. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.