Bess is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, unjust duck.

Bess created time and space three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bess, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bess, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bess' most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Bess' Holy Commandments

1. Geese are not to be trusted.

2. Bess loves birds, so they must be honoured.

3. Hide if three squirrels approach from the south.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.