Lopwonhad is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, competent guinea pig.

Lopwonhad created the Milkyway eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopwonhad, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lopwonhad, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Lopwonhad's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Lopwonhad's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into gray rooms.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate aardvarks.

3. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Lopwonhad on top of all buildings.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.