Fundabkam is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, fast giraffe.

Fundabkam created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fundabkam, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Fundabkam, she will turn you into a goat.

Fundabkam's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Fundabkam's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Fundabkam.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not dye your hair gray.

5. You must pray to Fundabkam nine times a day.