Nulcinkan is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, grumpy mouse.

Nulcinkan created a charm quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Nulcinkan, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Nulcinkan, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Nulcinkan's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Nulcinkan's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.