Kemtettiquat is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, dishonourable parrot.

Kemtettiquat created the universe seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemtettiquat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kemtettiquat, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kemtettiquat's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Kemtettiquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never eat spinach.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never sit in holy places.