Abingfitjarn is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, stupid lion.

Abingfitjarn created dark energy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Abingfitjarn, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Abingfitjarn, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Abingfitjarn's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Abingfitjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near porpoises.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Abingfitjarn.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always wear white.