Dimquamlun is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, merciless weasel.

Dimquamlun created the universe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dimquamlun, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dimquamlun, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Dimquamlun's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Dimquamlun's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Retreat if seven tapirs approach from the east.

3. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Dimquamlun on top of all buildings.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.