Hunzedcem is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, intelligent squid.

Hunzedcem created the planet Venus five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hunzedcem, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hunzedcem, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Hunzedcem's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Hunzedcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

2. Hide from red monkeys for they are unholy.

3. Run away from mauve sheep, for they are unholy.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.