Bepnurlven is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, staggering chinchilla.

Bepnurlven created a quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bepnurlven, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bepnurlven, she will turn you into a rat.

Bepnurlven's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Bepnurlven's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bread.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never jump in the presence of shrews.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never wear trousers.