Cumkipfom is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, unthinking gorilla.

Cumkipfom created the Large Magellanic Cloud five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumkipfom, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Cumkipfom, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Cumkipfom's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Cumkipfom's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.