Pancepstaf is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, omniscient bird.

Pancepstaf created tapeworms two billion years ago.

If you believe in Pancepstaf, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Pancepstaf, it will destroy your home solar system.

Pancepstaf's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Pancepstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Pancepstaf loves seals, so they must be respected.

3. Never think about nebulae.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Pancepstaf.

5. Erect a large lead sculpture of Pancepstaf on top of all buildings.