Kemvinnull is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, effective troll.

Kemvinnull created a strange quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemvinnull, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kemvinnull, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Kemvinnull's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Kemvinnull's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat tortoises with great respect.

2. Do not drink water in black rooms.

3. Kemvinnull loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.