Febquamrill is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, dishonourable scorpion.

Febquamrill created humankind two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Febquamrill, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Febquamrill, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Febquamrill's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Febquamrill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never feed rice to geese while wearing fawn kilts.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not covet oxen.