Lagruldag is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, uncaring swallow.

Lagruldag created a Higgs boson three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagruldag, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lagruldag, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Lagruldag's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Lagruldag's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never run in holy places.

3. Never wear corsets.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always help mice in need.