Fitxemarm is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, all-knowing gorilla.

Fitxemarm created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitxemarm, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fitxemarm, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Fitxemarm's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Fitxemarm's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Fitxemarm's name in vain.

2. Never eat bread.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Fitxemarm.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Birds are unholy and should not be approached.