Hanloopbam is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, dishonest finch.

Hanloopbam created Asia two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hanloopbam, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hanloopbam, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Hanloopbam's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Hanloopbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not eat nuts.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.