Jarnwonmum is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, grumpy crane.

Jarnwonmum created the planet Mars two million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnwonmum, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jarnwonmum, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jarnwonmum's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Jarnwonmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured foxes.

2. Jarnwonmum loves sheep, so they must be respected.

3. Feed all hungry monkeys.

4. Always help sick bats.

5. Never jump in the presence of frogs.