Flapkembast is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, happy gorilla.

Flapkembast created the Whirlpool Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Flapkembast, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Flapkembast, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Flapkembast's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Flapkembast's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Flapkembast loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

3. Erect four nickel sculptures of Flapkembast on top of important buildings.

4. Hide from white foxes for they are unholy.

5. Do not shave your back.