Lag is a god.

It takes the form of a small, moody monkey.

Lag created an atom five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lag, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Lag, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lag's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Lag's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn seals for they are unholy.

2. You must love Lag.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Lag loves turtles, so they must be honoured.

5. Run away if four bats approach from the north.