Gabtarkin is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, unthinking goat.

Gabtarkin created a charm quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gabtarkin, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gabtarkin, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Gabtarkin's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Gabtarkin's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven birds approach from the east.

2. Run away if eight badgers approach from the west.

3. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

5. Always obey Gabtarkin's priests.