Daplatjip is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, moody tortoise.

Daplatjip created vertebrates three million years ago.

If you believe in Daplatjip, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Daplatjip, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Daplatjip's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Daplatjip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Do not wear violet clothing.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Daplatjip loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

5. You must never eat carrots.