Bopstaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, unselfish seal.

Bopstaf created the planet Earth two million years ago.

If you believe in Bopstaf, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bopstaf, he will jump up and down on your head.

Bopstaf's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Bopstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear lead on your body.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not speak about carrots.

4. You must pray to Bopstaf five times a day.

5. Never write about gravity.