Barnstikjan is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unfair raccoon.

Barnstikjan created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Barnstikjan, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Barnstikjan, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Barnstikjan's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Barnstikjan's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Barnstikjan.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Barnstikjan loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.

4. You must love Barnstikjan.

5. Never sing near great tits.