Appfenmad is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, all-knowing dove.

Appfenmad created the planet Venus five billion years ago.

If you believe in Appfenmad, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Appfenmad, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Appfenmad's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Appfenmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed oranges to gulls while wearing brown jumpers.

2. Always wear turquoise.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never hurt foxes.