Dagshavquat is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, pitiless gerbil.

Dagshavquat created viruses eight million years ago.

If you believe in Dagshavquat, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Dagshavquat, he will turn you into a dog.

Dagshavquat's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Dagshavquat's Holy Commandments

1. Dagshavquat loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.