Japcensig is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, narcissistic squid.

Japcensig created energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japcensig, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Japcensig, she will send you a sign.

Japcensig's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Japcensig's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four goats approach from the south.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Hide from cyan dolphins for they are unholy.

5. You must pray to Japcensig three times a day.