Abjigbellyar is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, selfish newt.

Abjigbellyar created the Milkyway seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Abjigbellyar, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Abjigbellyar, she will turn you into a mole.

Abjigbellyar's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Abjigbellyar's Holy Commandments

1. Abjigbellyar must be the most important thing in your life.

2. You must pray to Abjigbellyar seven times a day.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always pray immersed in water.